Blog # 7 The "Truth" in O' Brien's War Story

First of all, I thought this was a very amazing story. Yea ok, amazing is not the word I was looking for and actually I was pondering for a while of a word that would fit but nothing came to mind because essentially, it's something I feel. I read through it as though I understood what exactly he was trying to portray. He doesn't come out and say it but through the different stories that built up this entire piece, the truth he was trying to depict became known and O' Brien tried to channel this numerous times. When you can't say a story in the same way, it is hard to really say it is the absolute truth. It is an emotion you feel- completely apart from what you see. Your eyes alone can't tell the story. They help you remember events likes photographs or images but it is what you feel from these moments that make the difference. He describes the death of Lemon and I tried to imagine this image in my head but from what I read and what he actually experiences- the two truths are so far apart that one almost seems like a lie.

The letter his friend Rat wrote to his best friend's sister about the death of her brother was probably indescribably difficult for him. He waited two months for a reply. He was trying so hard to depict the truth according to him- how he saw it. It may not be exactly what happened but the closest he can get is the story created by what he thought he saw and felt inside him. To put yourself out there without a response makes him realize even more that he can't ever get the real truth out there to people. That's impossible. When a person goes through a surreal event- a traumatic, painful, powerful, and unexplainable experience, it can make an immense imprint on that person's life, but to describe it and make others see it as you did? It then becomes two totally different truths.

I related to this story- not in the same way of course but when I write about dark moments in my life, The moments I feel impact my life- the ones I can feel throughout my entire body. These moments are sometimes so difficult to put into words, because the truth I know is not what I can portray- But I try because writing enables me to become close.

A Personal Story

For a story to be personal, one would have to be willing to open up and reveal certain aspects of their life. I can write many stories. For my life as of right now seems to be a collection of doubt, confusion, and tribulation weighing on my life. I'm not saying my whole life is a series of problems but it's what I like to get out most in my writing- through poems or stories. However, I can't write about certain things so it is difficult finding a certain topic.

I love reflection pieces such as Orwells- with a powerful and moving story line propelled by his thoughts and feelings throughout. I also love the story Alive by Laurie Lynn Drummond where she gave her story and at the very end changed her perspective Schwartz was another person that because of a series of traumatic events in her life, she began to form a certain realization. Danticat's story was about a fire that absolutely was so horrific that it made him see things in a different way. These pieces are memorable to me and all revolve around certain incidences that are significant.

I would like to write a personal story with a series of incidents that impacted me in some way- that because of those circumstances and accumulation of situations, I am the way I am today thinking and feeling the way I do.

Blog # 5 "Alive" and "Westbury Court"

When I was reading the story "Alive" by Lauri Lynn Drummond, I stopped over the section that said, "If I were still a cop, this wouldn't make my knee tremble. But I am simply a civilian. A female civilian." At this point, I realized that we had a disconnect. She was completely wrong with her theory and the real reason to feel secure and safe shouldn't be because of a position that makes you fit a certain part. She was a cop who wore a uniform and now that she was out of that position, she felt different? She felt she was once again just a civilian. And she emphasized that she is a "female civilian" which concludes that she saw being female as a weaker status along with common people such as civilians. People who stereotype that cops are in some way inhuman or prone to danger, who know certain tactics- people who are different from us, aren't acknowledging the fact that they are human beings. Basically this shielded, masked image saved her from being afraid. Now that she was in this frightening circumstance that she had little control over, she felt really scared. It wasn't until she was heading home towards Texas that she saw the sign for where the third victim was found. At this moment, a realization came over her that she felt vulnerable all along because she's alive. And leading up to this point was very suspenseful and the meaning could very well relate to everyone- giving us a truthful taste of life and actuality. At the end, this disconnect I once felt disappeared into an agreeable and understandable view I can easily identify with.

I also liked the story "Westbury Court" by Edwidge Danticat and I was able to connect with this as well because I feel that certain experiences in life do shape our awareness and understanding- whether it changes us dramatically or a certain aspect of us, but if the experience is significant, it will have a profound impact on our lives. In this story, Danticat tells about his life growing up in brooklyn in his six-story brick apartment building. As children, many of us love where we live and consider it a secure, and comfortable place where no harm can come to us. Even though it may not be perfect, it's home. And a feeling of being invincible may come into play. He watched the show General Hospital everyday, and in this fictitious world, no harm ever really happened. However, this feeling vanished after a fire that occurred in the next apartment across the hall. Danticat and his brothers were the last to be evacuated- not knowing of the fire until two firemen knocked on their door. Two boys that started the fire had died and after that moment, an awareness of death seemed to overwhelm him. He recalled many other deaths that occurred after that horrific time in the same building. When his parents let him and his brothers come home alone to the apartment after school, he said "I would always listen carefully for our new tenants, so I'd be the first to know if anything went awry." This was a huge difference from what he felt and did before. This experience has truly changed his perspective on what he once thought. This fire began his awareness of invulnerability and death.

Blog # 4 "My Father Always Said"

I really enjoyed this story and the ending really tied into the intenseness and feeling that Schwartz was trying to depict. But trying isn't the correct word in this context. To really feel like your journeying a long into a person's life as you read their story, is really a wonderful, captured representation of life and a way to show how free and beautiful creative nonfiction is. Just like if we were on our own voyage, we are learning and in a way entering into those scenes ourselves.

This story made me think of my own heritage of the past and the tribulations that many before me experienced and encountered. The story started out with Mimi Schwartz saying the same two lines her father would always say such as "In Rindheim, you didn't do such things!" and "I don't care about everybody!" He said these lines whenever his daughter would would do something American- completely different from his past lifestyle. He flew his family out of Germany before times got worse and his memories of his childhood up to that moment were so strong and vivid. But at the end, he had his time to silently say goodbye to the past and the numerous lives that were lost. At that moment, a realization came over him that wasn't there before of a different life he now has and he should appreciate it and be proud of that. Mimi saw what her father experienced and she began to realize what she couldn't before. At the end, she wanted her father to repeat the same lines as he used to but he never did.

Through Irony, we saw one view in the beginning but towards the end, we were allowed to see another view by this journey to her father's painful past. And in this experience, both the daughter and her father learned something on their own that they took with them- two different emotions than how the story first started.

I thought of one of my favorite authors throughout this story. Frank Mc Court wrote memoirs of his life through childhood into adulthood of his life in Ireland and America. I felt such a strong connection with Mc Court as he vividly and very emotionally described his painful experiences as a kid living in poverty while seeing so much hardship and struggle. Like McCourt's journey, I finished reading this story with incredible insight, discovery, and emotion.

Blog # 3: George Orwell and Michel de Montaigne

I enjoyed reading the creative nonfiction piece "Shooting An Elephant" by George Orwell and it gave me a somewhat different perspective to look at. I read George Orwell before and I think his writing is incredible but this piece is the first I read of Orwell that is creative nonfiction.

This story is nonfiction because it is factual. It takes place in 1931 in Burma and Orwell was working as a white, sub-divisional police officer. He said that he hated his job and he was the one who usually got laughed out. "I was hated by large numbers of people- the only time in my life that I have been important enough for this to happen to me." But the story is, more importantly, creative nonfiction from what a reader is able to gain by reading it.

Like fiction story, I couldn't wait to keep reading to see what was going to happen and how it would end. There was reality all around him in this story but also inside him. Inside him was a conflict, a debate on what to do. His reasoning for killing the elephant was to be looked at differently. The decision was never about the death of the elephant. He wanted to be somebody. "And it was in this moment, as I stood there with the rifle in my hands, that I first grasped the hollowness, the futility of the white man's dominion in the East." And in that instance, he wasn't separated from the native people anymore. He was connected with them by this rifle and he liked the feeling of it. He wasn't afraid of the elephant, he was afraid of being laughed at.

I loved how this story brought up many multiple meanings and insights. The story ended with a sense of dissopointement but unlike the others, I was able to pull out several meanings. It reminded me of the story "Out There" by Jo Ann Beard but left more of an impression of a truthful reality. Even though it was a different time period, the same feelings and emotions still applies today. There was reality around him but this intenseness came from the emotional reality inside him that was portrayed throughout the entire story. To be an individual is not to wear a mask but to be different and stand a part from the crowd. It's about doing something you are truly proud of. If it is just for others, then you prove to be weak. And Orwell knew this and he did it anyway. He knew he was a puppet. "For it is the condition of his rule that he shall spend his life in trying to impress the "natives," and so in every crisis he has got to do what the "natives" expect of him.

I found "That men should not judge of our happiness till after our death" to be a confusing and hard read and once I starting reading it, I wasn't able to gain meaning and relate as well as the other pieces but this is in fact, creative nonfiction. I happened to do a little researching on Michel de Montaigne and came across a website that briefly describes him. I was able to understand the reasoning for his writing with better insight for why this piece is connected to what we have been learning about creative nonfiction. In this biography it says that "He is searching for truth by reflecting on his readings, his travels as well as his experiences both public and private." This writing doesn't appear to be a story but a historical period of time in which he expresses his beliefs and opinions that appear to be significant for him. It seems that a lot of this writing is swaying towards Catholicism and the beliefs of death.

I also like to use what I have learned in the past as well as my experiences in my writing. A lot of it may be opinions, but I ultimately like to write what I think and feel in hope that others may be able to connect and relate to it as well. Inspiration can be absorbed in your life and by what you read from others.

The website I used is

http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/phl302/philosophers/montaigne.html

Blog # 2: The Power in Creative Nonfiction

Bret Lott writes in "Toward a Definition of Creative Nonfiction" that "creative nonfiction is, in one form or another, for better and worse, in triumph and failure, the attempt to keep from passing altogether away the lives we have lived."
When it is written down, we can truly see our work as a powerful gift, one that shows truth and experience, meaning and beauty. Through his writing, we are able to understand many different definitions of creative nonfiction and there isn't just one type of creative nonfiction. Lott explains that there are memoirs, biographies, journals, and obituaries. So, with each work, I strongly feel that creative nonfiction is a gathering of many truths with different purposes- a beautiful exploration inside a life that may not be fully known until it is written down.

Kincaid's writing that started out with a photograph of herself wearing the yellow, cotton, poplin dress her mother made. This picture was a memory and from this memory came a truth- a truth of her life and what she experienced. She didn't even realize many things as a child because she was 2-years-old but as a 43-year-old woman she understood. Through Kincaid's writing, she recalled her life and restored it. Sometimes when you go through hardships in life or experiences, it takes time to understand the life we lived unless we explore it. Lott mentions that "what creative nonfiction is will reveal itself to you only at the back end of things, once you have written it." It is important to gather together your memories, what you know, painful or happy and just write. Kincaid did this in her writing and she will always have this memory stored. But it will always stand out a part from many other writings. It is the powerful truth in creative nonfiction that makes our writing known and loved and no one can re-create it and take that away from us.

Blog # 1: Creative Non-Fiction... What does this mean?

Well, first of all, welcome everyone! I hope you will find certain writings on my blog that you like and will find interesting and useful to you. In fact, I think that's why I like writing the most. There is always so much inside me all the time- ideas, thoughts, or emotions I need to release immediately. I like to write what I feel and what I think and possibly in this way, it can help others get inspired and have something to relate to also.

Writing creative non-fiction is an expression of yourself and we all can be creative and write well if we let it out. We all have plenty of stories to tell. It's really who we are. Creative non-fiction gives us all the ability to explore our mind and soul and pour out what we truly feel, what lies inside us begging to be set free, or the every-day inspiration that we encounter. You'll be surprised, you don't know what your capabilities are until you really try and the best part is, there are no rules.


I'm sure everyone knows the song by Anna Nalick called Breathe. The lines I like most about this song are

"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

I'm not a big fan of this song so if you don't like it, it's ok. These lyrics make me get chills every time I hear them because it's really how I feel and what can describe writing for me.

Another song that I can relate to is by Natasha Bedingfield called Unwritten. In this song, there are a few lines about writing that I like because it shows that inspiration is everywhere and sometimes it isn't always easy to find the right words. But creativity is all around... most of all, it is inside you. And you can't go wrong with the truth.

"Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find"