Blog # 19 Essay number 4

I don't have a title yet...



I sat by the dark colored salt water pool just so my feet can feel the coolness of the water, giving me an idea of the temperature while I, transfixed at the ocean waves washing in and out. Only this wasn't the ocean. It was the sea and my pupils in full focus dilated a little more staring at the island they never seen before. I took off my shirt, revealing a bathing suit underneath, and after deciding to go into the water threw it on the nearest rock behind me. It barely made it onto the rock. As soon as it fell to the ground, an Italian man picked it up and waked over to me. He spoke in Italian obviously but I didn't understand a word. It didn't matter. I smiled and decided to lay out on one of the lounge chairs instead. The sun beat down on my face- oh so hot yet rejuvenating- warming my body and any thought that could have disturbed the moment. But the sun couldn't even find anything wrong either.

The sky was a light shade of blue so pure and full of life, holding clouds with peculiar shapes. The air smells so fresh- of sunblock and life- far away from even the remembrance of a pollutant. Laughter all around me, child and adult a like. The converging of Italian forming a separate language of it's own- one so soothing and delightful. Water builds up in my already squinting eyes from staring at the sky for so long but I don't want my sunglasses changing this picture to a different shade. I soak in my aloneness a little more then stand up, gather my belongings and walk up the pathway towards the villas to great my boyfriend coming to find me.

The island at night was uninhabited- giving way to a time of solitide. We stuck off a lot at night. His parents advising him not to and my aunt and uncle telling me of his parents concern didn't make any difference to our decision making. One night a plan was determined. He told me to wait for him when we walked up the stairs that led to a walkway to his house late at night. He went inside to lay down for a while in his bed so he parents would think he was asleep. He told me he would sneek out. I sat on the walkway by myself, my eyes glaring at the door to open like a cat hearing every noise and abserving everything around me. I peered behind the bushes like a spy. My body, in pure anticipation turned to uptight edge when I didn't see the door open. I slowly turned back then sat on the steps closer to my villa still in the same direction as before but further away. A couple minutes more. That's it. I walked up to my own door, crept to my suitcase to get out my pajamas and went to bed.

His touch startled me and my eyes not yet adjusting to his presence saw a blurry image. "What are you doing here?" I asked him thinking it was several hours later. I followed him outside tiptoeing to the door which he opened slowly staring into the room where my Aunt and Uncle were sleeping adjacent to where we were. My heart started to race when I thought I heard a noise coming from their room but when we left the villa, my hand instantly grabbed his and my eyes returned back to nromal and my body feeling the welcomed anxiousness of the night before us.

The sky lit up in complete decoration to celebrate the night- giving way to a color so visible and luminescent all around us, although, my face was already lit up holding on to his hand. We sat by on one of the lounge chairs by the sea where I was just recently by myself- a different yet equal feeling. The sea hiding in the dark, only revealing itself by sound and once again the waves were heard pushing against the rocks careful not to disturb the night. I smell the air and let out a small sigh. I could even smell the sweet, saltiness of the sea. Its aroma filled the air. My body almost under a spell, wrapped up in its own mediation. A powerful serenity- enough to be absorbed, giving off an intense aurora to anyone sitting near me. Andrea motioned to me that he saw a metear stream across the sky. I then fixed my eues on the starry sky in wait. When another one revealed itself, I closed my eyes to make a wish and shifted my eyes toward Andrea wondering if he did the same. The night kept us there begging us to stay longer. We sat like magnets taking advantage of the idleness around us and giving a silent prayer of gratitude. When chills started to make my body aware of discomfort from the slight breeze, I looked to Andrea only as if he had a quite remedy. The sky seemed to appear a little lighter and my eyes roamed around a bit telling me I should return back but my mind, counting ahead of the time, didn't seem to worry yet about my trip back to America.

I felt the coolness of the balcony on my hands as I turned my body away from him. I stared at the scenes before me in a different view- eyes not fixed on the images around me but of the upcoming scenes in my head. I noticed a small array of goosebumps on my skin from a breeze in the air or perhaps imaginary. The sun, not as visible- hiding behind several clouds in the sky, setting up the dramatic scene for us. I stared at his eyes I always compared to the sea- now looking at them from a greater distance even though I was only two feet away. He stood before me, promising me he would never leave me. The silence around us from nature, overhearing our words was given to us in favor of us staying together but secretly knowing differently. The rest of the time there was pushed to fast forward.

The real end of the vacation took place in Rome- the last night to soak it all in. All the people walking past me, a familar scene like New York City but compariably different. Shops lined up on either side of the street; glamorous and sheek. I walked in expecting to find some last minute gifts for my family. I strutted around pretending they didn't have what I was looking for, gave a smile to the sales lady as if I were a usual italian customer, and walked out onto the crowded yet welcoming streets of Rome. I walked past a McDonalds and gave a small laugh. "You probably eat here a lot?" I asked Andrea. His response was a no and the conversation stopped shortly after. My stomach found new interests. He took me into an abandoned building and we, carefully, walked up several flights of stairs past pieces of wood and occasional shards of glass. When on the top, I stared at a painting before me and my eyes tried to capture it all at once. The sunset glistened over the top of every building around us giving it an orangey contrast. My eyes free to roam around yet my legs stood paralyzed at the view. The grundy, old building we past just moments ago on the train ride over, almost completely covered over by foreign graffiti perished as I then remembered where I was.

My first drink at a bar at age 17 and I wasn't even home. The name of it, sex on the beach, was the same. I told Andrea to order it for me. I sat and waited until the drink was put in front of me. Fruit filled the glass and I took the small straw on the inside and sipped. I rested my self against the chair, folded my legs and joined in to the conversation with laughter and light English. Then Andrea and his friends gave me more of a tour. We drove around the city as I, peering through the sunroof, camera in my hand and the wind greeting me in the face. My eyes yet again in full focus of the fast, moving images around me. I snap a couple pictures with my camera and put it back down next to my feet of the car and then I quickly rise up again.

The middle of the night held our return. Andrea slowly opened the door, and we both crept slowly to his room. Mostly in silence we sat on his bed and kissed. I layed with him for quite some time after and mistakenly drifted to sleep. The knots started forming in my stomach and I opened my eyes. I held him tightly in my arms and he watched as I went in the next room over to sleep for a while longer before my Uncle would wake me in the morning early to leave. I heard my name not long after and my eyes adjusting to the morning light and my body like impulse went to see Andrea. The morning was solemn. I walked to serve myself breakfast with the rest of my family in the kitchen. Slowly, I got my belongings together. The cars coud be heard outside, driving up and down the street, still conitnuing its usual everyday pattern of life. I left my lipglass on the couch for him to find after I left.

We walked to the elevator to take us to the 1st floor of his apartment building. I was the last to follow- stalling and dragging behind. The doors to the elevator separated two worlds- the one which would soon be the past and the one of the future. As the doors slowly closed, I managed to see a tear coming down from his face. Almost shut now, I could still see his penetrated eyes, so focused and lifeless. The door shut and the dagger went in to my chest. The tears began on cue and and I said my real goodbye to the world around me through teary eyes. I was home before I had a chance to leave.